Always on your side

I read something recently about leaving notes for your children.  Forgive me, I can't remember what blog it was, but the mother was taking pictures of small post-it notes written to her children, left where they would find them on their own.  One note read: "I am always on your side - love Mom".  This made me smile - and gave me that warm-fuzzy feeling, you know that feeling... the one where you just completely identify with something, but hadn't come up with the right words on your own?

A couple weeks ago, we were at student/parent/teacher conferences at the elementary school.  While we were in the hall, waiting for our turn to speak to a teacher, we encountered a conversation between a parent and his child - which I will not soon forget.  Apparently, the 4th grade son, had used a curse word at recess.  It had come up in the conference with the teacher - and the father decided it was best to give his son a public lecture, in the hallway, in front of about a dozen children and other parents.  The lecture was given in such a way, so that this man could somehow make a public speech, at the expense of his own child's confidence and respect.  He asked his son how many of his friends even knew he was a Christian... and equating his son's use of a curse word at recess to publicly dishonoring Jesus - and how disappointed he was that his son wasn't being an 'honorable man', nor choosing to 'be like Jesus' - and how sad it makes Jesus to know that his son didn't want to be like him, etc.  It was so shocking to hear someone speaking to their child about an indiscretion on the schoolyard as if it had serious eternal consequences - and even more horrifying to know that this conversation was happening in a public setting.

I walked away from the school, with a feeling like I had been punched in the gut - I was so put-off by this public berating of a child and the pious air of accomplishment of the father.  And I was conflicted as to which part of this was most detestable.  In the end I think it was that the father was willing to embarrass and devalue his own child, in order to make a public declaration of his own religious rules.

I am not that parent - I will never be that parent.  I sincerely hope that my children never feel like they are second tier to anything I think or feel.  Discipline should not be about 'what pleases mom', but about how healthy actions result in healthy reactions.  Lying is a bad idea because it creates an environment of distrust - not because 'it makes mom disappointed in me'.

So, for future reference, I will say loud and clear, "I am always on your side!" - If I am mistaken, what am I risking? That my children, may take advantage of that? perhaps, but more likely that my children will trust me, because I trust them.  With the hope that my children will never ever question whether I love, approve, or have pride in them - I will absolutely risk sticking my neck out for them.

Here's to a future of holding our heads high and loving each other with no restraints!