Around here...

Peter: "I want to color this salmon, so he looks just like a Sockeye!"

Ella: "I have a big project I'm working on..."

Peter: "I think you can be friends with anyone you want, and plants and animals... and the whole galaxy!"

Ella: "When we go to Grandma's house, I'm going to really miss Buster... and maybe Iris."

Gracie: "I really love Michael Jackson!"

Peter: "I know, I know... Put my stuff away, right?"

Time is flying by, like it always does.  Some days it's important to stop and take it all in.  I was telling Peter how much I love his curiosity and wit - he blushed.  I told Ella, her birthday is next week and she's growing much too fast for me - she rolled her eyes.  I told Gracie to try again, on a homework problem - she burst into tears.  We're trying new things and learning so quickly!  I hope when they're old, they think fondly of these moments.

Life Changing

" In all affairs it's a healthy thing now and then to hang a question mark on the things you have long taken for granted." - Bertrand Russell

 Now, before I get 'deep' and 'serious' about all this - the idea of hanging a question mark, made me think of this : Phonetic Punctuation

Ok, back to the real idea here - questioning long-held ideas.  Since I was young, I have had a knack for questioning things.  I have not always been respectful in the process, nor have I always found worthy conclusions to my inquiries.  Hopefully, I am at least getting better at handling the respectfulness, and finding grace in the unanswerable.

I have been accused of being argumentative - which is probably true, however, I have also been misunderstood in my motives at times of inquiry.  I really do want to know WHY we choose to do things one way over another, and I put a lot of thought into actions.  Because of this, I hold a view of the world, where actions are weighed against philosophies and ideals.  I'm working through a lot of this, so I may sound like I'm rambling or incoherent, please bear with me.

I crave a meaningful existence.  Not in an egotistical way. I am very aware of how short our time is on this planet and I want to choose the paths and actions which have lasting, logical reasoning behind them.  The older I get, the less bureaucracy and feigned importance I can tolerate.

As a parent, I try to meet our children's curiosity with patience, logic and peace.  My responses to their  questions at this point, can set the tone for their views of our world.  Children are sorting out how society works, just as much as they are sorting out how language works. Why can't I have candy as a snack? Because it's not nutritious, it doesn't help your body grow big and strong. We have to put healthy foods in our bodies to be healthy.  This provides a logical path. Not, "because I said so".  Gracie started first grade at our neighborhood elementary school, last year.  After a week of school, she had noticed some trends in the rules, and she was uncomfortable about them.  They were not logical in her mind, and she asked me about them. The first rule: boys and girls line up in different lines.  This bothered her because it was impractical and didn't make sense to her. She had asked about the rule at school, but her question was dismissed with a simple "just because".  With tears in her eyes, she explained to me that it would be easier if boys and girls lined up together, because one line of students fits through the door much easier than two lines.  If she had been given a logical path for this rule, perhaps she could have gone along with it without the feeling of unimportance.  The second rule: boys and girls can't play together at recess.  Now, at first, I thought she was mistaken - perhaps it was happening by chance, certainly not a school rule.  After hearing it spoken over the loud-speaker by the principal, she came home, in tears, again.  "They said it on the radio! On Mondays boys play on the toys and girls play on the swings. Why can't boys and girls play together?"  Again, she asked about it, and was dismissed, as if children don't need to know why adults  do things that affect them. In the end, she no longer attends that school, but I listened to her and we talked about  why we found those rules strange.  While I expect her to behave in a respectful way, I also expect her to have freedom to ask questions and have an opportunity to find solutions.

These illogical rules expand beyond neighborhood elementary schools, unfortunately.  We go along with a lot of things without questioning them.  Too many times we roll our eyes when someone asks a question, or implies there may be another way, or a better way.  Without reassessing our actions we set ourselves up for repeating history. Solutions are found through questioning.

Simply going along with something because 'it's always been done this way' cannot be good enough and reassessing it cannot be considered disrespectful or rebellious.  Getting to the roots of why we do what we do, can bring healthy changes.

I have been on a path of deconstruction for a while.  I am learning that the questions I ask, are not helpful for everyone. So, even though I thrive on getting to the root of things, not everyone is interested in that process.  And some of my decisions, which I believe are based on those things I have uncovered, have been offensive to some.  I will continue to remind myself it is more important for me to be truthful to myself, than for me to be understood by others.

Bad Words

What makes a word 'bad'?
In our house, there aren't many rules about which words you use, as long as you aren't hurting someone else with them, and as long as you know what that word means.
For instance, one of the seriously unacceptable words in our house is : stupid.  For obvious reasons.  It is rude and hurtful.  But what about when someone says something like 'that stupid THING' - is it still rude? Well, maybe, but mostly it's being used as a curse at that point.  Still rude, but much more acceptable than if someone says 'you are stupid'.  Our kids regard it as the 's' word.

Words carry weight.  We do need to choose them wisely.  If we teach our children to use words as they are really defined, I think they will create a better society as they grow.

I have a list of words in my head which I hope to never ever hear my children say, and they are not the usual 'four letter' variety.  They are words that hurt, are insensitive or imply judgment - some ignore history - some ignore suffering , some are jargon and some are simply nonsense.

Here's to being better communicators!

What do you know?

"Mommy, what time came after the cretaceous period?"
Hmmm... (google) "Paleogene"
"Oh, right. There weren't any dinosaurs then, were there?"
uh... (google) "nope"

"Mommy, what does the Lochness Monster look like?"
Well, I don't really know. I've never seen it, and no one has actually been able to see one. It's more of a legend. Some people thought they saw a monster in Loch Ness - that's in Scotland.
"Where's Scotland?"
Uh... (world atlas) "Here is Scotland, right next to England, and there's Ireland... see over here is North America... and here's the Atlantic Ocean, Here's Europe, Asia and Africa - and see this island? The top is Scotland.  Loch is a scottish word for something you know.  You know how there's lots of words for water?  Like, ocean, river... and what's that other one that sounds like Loch?
"LAKE?!"
Yes, loch means lake - so the lochness monster is a 'monster' people saw in lake Ness.
(google) Here's a picture of how people describe what they saw.
"Whoa, that looks like a pleisiosaur!"
Yep, that's exactly what it says right here.
Anyway, no one knows if Nessie is real because they have never actually seen one, or any evidence of them. No bones from dead ones, or babies or anything.
"ok"

I could have just said 'I don't know' - or 'it doesn't matter', but then, how would I have had such awesome conversations with my junior scientist?
Now, please don't get me wrong - not all our conversations are scientific, but the point is that we HAVE conversations. A LOT of conversations. It's a great time in their lives - this time where they can't read enough to dive into an Encyclopedia without a little help from Mom.  They do look through encyclopedia's about science and art, on their own, but usually we are learning to use these reference books, and reference internet sources.

Peter got this interactive science set for Christmas, and he uses it ALL the time.  The pen reads information to him, when he places it on a link, picture, color, word or paragraph.  So, I'll hear an adult reading to him from a room, occasionally and have a slight pause before realizing it's just his 'reading pen'.

We have a few volumes from The Book of Popular Science, which the kids all love.  The illustrations are from 1963, so some of them are pretty great! From learning where the water goes when we flush the toilet, to the constellations, there's some really great information in here - and most of it isn't too outdated.

We also have a few volumes from Childcraft The How and Why Library.  These have a lot more pictures, and keep the kids busy for long stretches of time.

I don't feel like I "push" any of this information on them.  I just have the resources available to help them on their journeys of discovery.  I really don't think any child is too young to have reference books handy.  From before they started preschool, they at least enjoyed the illustrations in these books.

Here's to learning about everything you're curious about!

Assumptions

I assumed I would be respected as an equal- it was assumed both, that I thought I was superior and that I was actually inferior
I assumed logical thought would trump egotistical emotions - it was assumed I was heartless
I assumed my pain would be understood - it was assumed I betrayed trust
I assumed you would ask - it was assumed I wished you wouldn't
I assumed I would be heard - it was assumed neutrality was noble and pious
I assumed I would be missed -it was assumed I was unforgiving
I assumed there would be closure - it was assumed there was closure
I assumed there may be support - it was assumed support wasn't necessary


In the end, I assumed I could make sense of senselessness.

On politics

Mostly, I just don't care at all about what goes on in politics anymore. There, I said it. It's true.
I used to think it was a weakness to be uninformed about the goings-on in the political arena.  Now, I mostly think it takes energy away from the things I really want to be doing.  It's stressful to hear all the extremes in philosophies - and judgments of one side toward the other - and ridiculous witch-hunting - and harmful and horrible ways human beings choose to voice their opinions. 
I don't even really identify myself with one party or the other - yes, I have a lot in common with one party, but I don't align myself with the leaders or spokespeople of that party.  I sometimes wonder if one was presented with a list of ideas, without identifying whether they were spoken by an (R) (D) or (I), if that person would know what to think about those ideas.  Maybe, people are more conscientious than that - I hope so.
In the end, I hope that no matter what your political views are, you are choosing to be kind to other humans, whether they agree with you or not.  Life is far too short to be caught up in the madness, instead I'd like to spend my time dancing with my kids and taking in the joy found in each day.